Today was a Wing day. Humph!
I first became obsessed with wings in 2005. I was in Las Vegas with my then fiancé having some much needed adult time after 4/5 nights in Istanbul with a hyperactive 18month old.
You ruined me!
It was just “Wow” from start to finish. Plenty of exploring, eating, shows and shopping. It was during one of those shopping trips that we’d went through a shopping mall and what I saw took my breath away.
20-30 mannequins clad in the most colourful contrasts of underwear and all sporting the most most magnificent display of angelic wings. It was electric. That, for me, was love at first sight!
Ever since that day I’d found a love of winged women and wanted a set of my own.
Today was a Wing day.
I couldn’t get out of bed so missed my 11 o’clock appointment with my psychiatrist. I slept until I had sleep paralysis, waking at 1:30. Psyched myself out of bed to go to the loo.
‘Ooh breakfast’ I thought happily.
So I popped my pills then I’d made my favourite Greek yoghurt with chopped strawberries and honey. After polishing that off at break-neck speed, I’d reached for the banana oat flapjack loaf I’d made the night before and gave that what for, poured a coffee and sat in silence…
Well if that wasn’t the cup of destruction I don’t know what was!!
Cue the tears.
Cue the sinking feeling.
Cue the gritting of teeth.
Cue the bad thoughts.
Cue the vocal telling off.
Cue the shortness of breath.
Cue the heart cry.
Nothing was making sense.
Why the actual fuck am I still here? I’m sure as hell not living. I’m waiting to die.
If humans are superior to animals then why do we allow another being to suffer so terribly? Hurry up and die.
I can’t do fun/nice things with my child. Why the hell am I his mom? I want to die.
This is no life.
This can’t be it. There’s got to be more? This is all wrong. I can’t be suffering like this just to die. I’m surely going to get better? Is that why I must fight on? Why aren’t you answering me dammit?! Why must I continue to suffer? Why can’t I rest now? Why can’t I exhale?
Today was a Wing day.
I want my wings… My Angel Wings.
I’m tired. So fucking tired.