Bye Pride

It’s no joy. 
I’ve wet myself. What kind of loser am I? 

I feel horrible 

I feel dirty

I feel ashamed 

I feel upset

It wasn’t deliberate and I couldn’t stop it. It just happened. No time to run. No time to remove any clothing. Just a big pissy mess with my pathetic shell in the middle of it. 

Yes I’m feeling sorry for myself. How much more can I take?!?

Maybe if my immune system wasn’t so compromised I’d be infection free and clean. 

I have a water infection but the doctors are closed today so I have to suffer it until the morning. 

Tomorrow I will be prescribed antibiotics that interfere with my immunosuppressants so I can’t take the latter until it’s cleared. Urgh! 

I’ve been so emotional today but unable to cry. I don’t know if it’s my medication or what’s left of my inner strength making me numb. But I’ve had my sleeping tablet and will drift off nicely, tear free – cuddling my teddy. 

I hope my palpitations stop and my breathing quietens. 

Tomorrow’s wish is for joy🙏


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